Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
