Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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