I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
