i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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