apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
