I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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