isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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