i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
