so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
