I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
