Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
