She just used a chaser for red wine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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