Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
