not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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