I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are my feet made of real feet?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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