the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
