Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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