you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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