No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
