I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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