How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
