Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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