break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
