Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
