And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize