my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
