I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
