sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
