Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
