Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
