I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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