I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
