I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
