that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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