margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Me too!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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