i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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