Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
