I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
