Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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