i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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