please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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