forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
