I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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