Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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