He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
