Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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