was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
