ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
