I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
