I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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