Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
