Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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