She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
