I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
