We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
