I haven't been this sober since birth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
