I'll bet she douches with gravy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
