Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
