ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
