Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
