He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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