dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
