i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
