she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
