Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
