At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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